Vacation Day 4
Tuesday, Jun. 29, 2004 - 01:24

I desire a simplier time. A time when thoughts and emotions didn't have to be examined before allowed for acceptance. A time when decisions didn't have a weighty past and uncertain future pulling at them. A time when the most pulling emotional trouble was weither or not a girl I liked reciprocated the feeling.

Everything seems so complex now. Life feels so short. I want everything now, but nothing feels right. I rail against my emotional encumberance. I try to avoid this subject time and time again. Why do I always come back to it. Why can't I just let it go, because it should be resolved, but even if not, to return to at a later date. Brooding about it will acomplish nothing except to drive me insane and become very annoying to friends.

Day 4 of the Trip of Dh00m. Nothing special happened today. More or less recovered. Sometimes I wish certain people didn't read this (you don't know who you are, so ha... or do you, I hope not) so I could write about certain things bugging the hell out of me. But it matters not, as that would just take up more precious space with endless bitching to no point.

I'm tired. Been tired most of the day, surprising considering that I fell asleep fairly fast and slept for longer than usual last night. Maybe everything is catching up to me. Maybe just being out of town is letting me unwind some. Hope I get more rested before I reach New York. Need to be rested, person I'm visiting wants to be very active for the first few days of wandering New York.

I feel like I'm holding some emotion in, but don't know what it is. Then again, I know what It should be, but it doesn't seem to be that. I don't know. Confusing to even myself.

I'm told we have "dinner plans" to go "tangling" (sometimes you can drop the g, apparently) tomorow with some of the other Dogs. No clue what that is, and Adar won't say what it is. Sound ominous. But for the rest of the day, I'll probably relax and recover some more. Lots of sleep to catch up on.

I'm told I have a very stoic expression right now. Probably because I'm tired right now, and it takes energy to show expression, and as my body and mind tire, my expression fades.

I'm kinda hopefull that I'll meet a girl on this trip, and be able to forget myself for a time. Lord knows the girls I know in the places I'm visiting know too much about me, so nothing could happen there. Its unfortionate, as, really, I think I would like something to happen with one of them, but know it never will. Someone who just seems me as a regular guy, not with all this baggage. But that won't happen. And there I go, talkin about things I shouldn't again.

Blah, such a coward, I am, when it comes to these things. I really shouldn't be, all things being considered. I really should have more confidence in myself, knowing with more evidence more than most that I am keeper material. But I don't. Who knows why.

I think I'll wrap it up for now, hit the sack. Sleep for a few hours, then wake up and do it all again.

And thus ends another day.

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