I do not know
Thursday, Jun. 10, 2004 - 23:53

Oh God, what am I supposed to learn from this? Why did this happen to me?

Life made sense. The future was as clear as it ever would be. Happyness a reality. Long term plans a possibility.

Then my legs were cut out. I feel as if I am dragging myself along on bloody stumps, weakening with every inch. I know not where to go to be healed. I know not where to go to continue with life.

Life is aimless. Shots in the dark as I make plans that mean nothing. I am dead. Afraid to feel. Afraid to forever be numb to this world.

How do I ever open myself up again to the happiness that I know is possible? What purpose is there for continuing on this unlit path?

A strong desire without the will to obtain it. A strong desire, but I fear the path there... I both fear it and seek for it. Why am I unable to accept reality? Why am I unable to accept I am alone?

Why is it I forever grasp at what I have lost? I cannot be satisfied with life as it is. I need more than what I have, but do not know where to find it!

Why do I trudge on this path, attempting to grasp what cannot be kept. Why do I continue on past the death of my soul, the death of my purpose, the dismembering of my spirit?

I do not know. I have no answers. Nor does it seem I will find any. Perhaps another does. If so, I hope they will share. I do not know how much longer I can continue without a path. I do not know how long my soul can live now that its mate has been torn away. I do not know how I can find one to share my future with. Again.

I do not know.

0 comments so far