Little to say
Tuesday, Jun. 08, 2004 - 04:22

Little to say. Last couple of days have been filled with exaustion, insomnia, congestion. No new writings. Half finished poety, pathetic one liners. Nothing of importance to post.

Ran into some people online I havn't spoken to in a while. Was good to catch up, dispite the always aukward moments when I give them my news.

I'm tired of going to sleep with the sunrise, but not enough to sleep earlier and risk my dreams, or worse, my wandering thoughts. My bed is depressing; so empty, cold, lonely.

I miss the company of a woman. Not even sexually. Just someone to sit on the couch and cuddle with as we watch TV or a movie... someone to attempt to cook for... someone to make laugh. The warming presence in my life that only a woman can bring. It is not that I feel incomplete... just unfulfilled, lacking purpose.

Difficult to explain the emotion running through me.

Dificult to seperate the one from the other.

So many doubts, conflicting desires, doubts about my ability to both attain what I desire and if I should attempt to now.

I'm curious as to why anyone would bother reading this, or any of the other crap that I write. But, well, though I know some do, the point is not for others, but for myself. So whats it matter?

So now I retire to the music of Shinedown - 45. Maybe I should try to listen to less depressing music, but upbeat music just pisses me off, and classical, I both lack a selection of much beyond what I purchased for romantic moments (also depressing), and most of the rest just makes me far too introspective. Not sure I have the emotional energy to go into another 3 day poetry speal.

Maybe I'll find some of that somewhere and post it here. Its less dark... though not by much. I wrote some of it it to Julie a few years back, when I thought I screwed up it and we were going to break up. I wrote a lot those three days, only saved a small portion of it. That is to say, all I have saved is what Julie saved.

And the song has finished, as do I.

Goodnight lonely world.

-Z-

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