when will it end?
Friday, Jun. 11, 2004 - 03:43

I have two minds.

One lives my life. Waking, doing the daily chores necessary for tomorrow.

It cannot cope.

It shuts off, crying out in agony at its own thoughts and memories.

A thousand shards of my soul tearing it to shreds.

It is useless.

My other mind.

Cries out in pain.

Death lives in my chest.

It seeks to escape.

My heart beating into shreds.

The stomach churning fear.

The agony of life tearing through me.

Crying out wordless objections.

Looking away, always seeing.

But never knowing.

What lies behind the pain?

What causes my gaze to focus elsewhere?

Why cannot I sleep?

Why does it come at night, creeping over my soul.

Why is it black, though all the lights are on?

I cry out for someone to comfort me.

My words echo back though empty hallways.

Forever seeking a balm for my soul.

If only it would be quiet for one night.

Hell cannot be worse than this.

Terror covers me, a palatable blanket.

Fear traps me from going forward, from leaving the past behind.

I want to live again.

I do not know how.

I cry out for oblivion.

Nothingness is better than this!

Just, only, all I have to do...

WHAT!?! What the fuck is there to be done?

The past is set in stone, and no future can be complete.

Not now, not in the darkness of the night.

Terror rules here.

The loneliness grips at my heart, crushing.

Nobody is here to assure I awaken.

Nobody will care if I do not.

I cannot breath.

When will it end?

What future is worth this?

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