alone in a croud
Tuesday, Jun. 01, 2004 - 02:30

So alone today, though I was always with friends. My old life can't be brought back, nor do I truly want it to be, but I see no new life in my future.

I have focused on walking a trail that has become a dead end, and in the plain of misery I find myself now, I can see no new path to follow. My heart breaks anew every day, and all balms I find are but temporary, any lasting hope they offer but lies.

I seek to find someone to help me walk till I can find a new path, but all I lean on prove incapable, unwilling or too busy. I cannot see the strength inside myself, for that strength drained from me 3 months ago.

The strength I lack was invested in a future I cannot have. Grasping for it back is akin to undoing a brush stroke on canvas. I had painted our future before us, a glorious canvas with the brightness of potential and the glowing of happiness. Now I am left with no paint, and the canvas in tattered ruins before me.

I am alone. I see people all about me, hear their voices, their laughter, even them complaining, as they walk towards their futures, I see them along their paths, be they bemoaning their fate or rushing headlong into life. I look to my feet, to see where I am walking, and see nothing but ghosts from my past haunting my thoughts, taunting me with what might have been but never can be again.

I have nowhere to go to, and no place to call home.

-Z-

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