Nothing special
Wednesday, Jun. 16, 2004 - 23:11

Havn't posted for a few days. Been too busy, and nothing terribly new has been happening. Was hanging out with a friend most of last night. Watched a couple movies, hung out, played a couple games of shot glass chess... a third wasn't really an option for either of us. Beat a bit of Duke Nukem co-op for nostalga's sake. Thats always fun. Havn't played duke for years upon years. Ended up crashing there woke up when a fly landed on my nose and I always gave myself a bloody nose slapping myself in my sleep. Hurt for like 20 minutes. Embarasing, too.

Hating being at home alone, but not really looking forward to spending time elsewhere or with anyone. My friends are nice enough and all, but the ones I have in person are... great for playing a quick game of War III or going disc golfing with, but not one of em has anything useful to say. The ones online do what they but still an emptiness remains that of course they cannot fill. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Not sure how to really move on. Friend of mine says "You won't move on till you move on."

Don't know if thats helpful or not, really. Ahhh fuck it all. It would be far better for me if I were to just ignore my own thoughts and do something. But thats really hard, and who knows whats best in the long run. I've had more than one friend who's opinions I mostly respect tell me I should find someone to have a guilt free night of sex with. I wish I were built for that, would make life easier, it seems.

But I'm not. I will only have sex with someone in the context of a long term relationship. The physical aspect is just a brief release without the emotional framework. Yea. I'm a real guy, I swear. Whatever. The subject won't leave my mind because the lonlieness will not. Must be tireing hearing the confusion and complaints over and over again. Certainly tired of feeling it.

Had a strange dream last night. Went from fishing and finding a giant crocodile, but nobody believing me till it ate a couple boats, to a WWII flight sim about all sorts of different kind of planes that wern't in WWII, to me dating a deaf japanese girl who kept trying to teach me sign language that didn't even make sense to my dream self. Least it wasn't a very violent dream.

Gonna call it a night now, try and get to sleep earlier than I have been, maybe wake up earlier than I have been. That'd be good, to be more adjusted and all.

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